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OPINION
"Britain’s Got Politics"
A cynical rant from one man and his soap box
by Rowan Sallows

And the winner is... well, the media, sadly (and everyone’s new favourite Transformer, Clegron obviously). 
After all the furore and attempted force-feeding of spin, bias and borderline propaganda, the papers, news channels and commercial websites have ultimately succeeded in their real goal of raising their own circulation and viewing figures, but at what cost?  What have we been left with?  I would argue a rather bland middle ground prospect of more populist policies which do little to fix or address any of the real issues in this new mould of style over substance we have created for our leaders of the free world (“vote for me, I watch the X Factor too” was a low point in party policy and what makes a good PM for me personally).  Surely a middle ground government should do well to satisfy the popular masses though?  A good theory, but the trouble with bowing down to the demands of the masses is that they don’t really know what they want... until their paper or 24hr news channel of choice tells them what that is of course.  But that’s another debate.  Maybe one we could get their non-existent protagonists Motorway Man and Holby City Woman to have in front of a live studio audience for a real ratings firecracker.

Had we witnessed a Tory majority, perhaps the poor would have been left to rot on their council slums.  If it were a Liberal landslide, maybe the rich would have been so heavily taxed that Britain’s commerce would have upped roots and set up in the Caymans.  As it is though, we got neither and despite the word ‘change’ being uttered approximately 8,755,161 times by each party leader in the 3 days leading up to the election, we are likely to see very little of that key issue (if change can be called an ‘issue’).  The one glimmering positive is the very real possibility of electoral reform.  With ‘Dave’ and ‘Nicky’ now firmly tucked under their marital duvet together, it is being portrayed as a happy union we always knew would happen like Scott & Charlene (I’ll not venture into who is whom), but this is very much the honeymoon period right now, where each can cherry pick their favourite bits of each other’s handbooks whilst they coo over who looks better in a yellow tie.  You can be sure that 6 months into this 5-year interest-free-credit government, the cracks will show as it comes to the crunch of who gets their way.  At least, that is my lasting hope.  For if it doesn’t reach that point, it will be a sure sign that either one or both of our great, principled party/country leaders has abandoned all integrity and taken a wild party detour (not a trait I’d want in my own political party captain).

So, I’m hopeful that at the least we will see some hearty debates rather than schoolyard taunts of old.  However, it seems likely to me that debate will turn to stalemate and either result in back-room dealings or parties vying for more superficial short-term votes and public acceptance (I follow the crazy notion that our politicians try sticking to what they know, and here’s the crazy bit, believe in, instead of looking for a sell-out Wembley tour). 

I for one will hold onto the fatalistic “I told you so” belief that nothing will change, the media moguls will get bored of their chosen saviour and tell us all to feign outrage from our comfy sofas and tweet something mildly disgruntled about how little change we got from that loaf of bread (that’s Dave and his Warburton pals) and hail a new political messiah before the 5 years is up.  With the economic and social instability we will all face globally in the coming years, however great the Murdoch & Co. support may be, I just can’t see the government emerging the other side without being held responsible for circumstances largely out of even their desperate white-knuckle control.  And so the media circus and pop-star politics will continue with the monkey on a bike as our country’s new ring master.  All hail the “it-boys” at the helm.

_ End

---By Rowan Sallows for the MDM at Wonderlance

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