We could say that, although we have not evolved as a society when it comes to the issue of bullying, our general perspective on it has certainly evolved.
30 or 20 years ago this form of abuse was not recognised as a societal problem, but more like a natural or even necessary part of our growing years, a part we had to cope with, in order to acquire a certain 'strength of character'.
Nowadays, however, the general consensus is that bullying is not only detrimental to the individual but to society as a whole.
This shift in our perception could be down to the fact that most of us are being direct or indirect witnesses, thanks to far-reaching TV and the Internet, of the alarming increase, seriousness and fatal consequences of so many and recent bullying cases.
Suicide statistics show that in the UK at least 16 to 25 children kill themselves each year because they are being bullied at school.
We seem to be failing in determining the real root causes for this behaviour when, in essence, it shouldn’t be so hard to realise that children do as they see, and in a world where nasty behaviour is encouraged daily in entertainment and media, whether in our personal romantic relationships or group settings, such as the competitive business arena, what do we think that our children are going to emulate?
Because bullying is not only about physical abuse, but also verbal and emotional abuse and it can start as early as in kindergarten, among both boys and girls. In fact, recent studies show that it is among females that bullying can involve larger groups and last far longer.
Dr. Michelle Anthony, respected developmental psychologist and Dr. Reyna Lindert co-wrote the book ‘Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-Proof Girls in the Early Grades’ which is being very welcomed by parents and professionals alike.
Today we have the privilege to interview Dr. Michelle Anthony on the issue of bullying and on the guide that her and Dr. Lindert wrote to help us to help our little treasures.
MDM: Dr. Anthony, thank you responding to this interview, we’re sure our readers, especially those with little children, will really appreciate it. You are a developmental psychologist, but how did you and your co-author, Dr. Reyna Lindert decide to work on the resulting title of ‘Little Girls Can Be Mean’?
DR. MICHELLE ANTHONY: Thanks so much for inviting me to participate! My interest in this topic began as a result of my own daughter being enmeshed in a series of “Mean Girl” interactions beginning in first grade, which lasted almost 2 years. In fact, for almost a year, we didn’t even know it was going on because she was very confused and didn’t tell anyone.
In our research for this book, we learned how many young girls are experiencing similar struggles. Thus, our goal in writing Little Girls Can Be Mean has been to help parents and other caring adults understand how and why meanness happens, and have a plan for what to do about it. We also wanted to help parents of elementary-aged children take advantage of the unique opportunity they have to influence and guide girls, before the teen years when peer influence takes over and pushes caring adults away.
MDM: Bullying is a natural predisposition or a learned behavioural pattern?
DR. MICHELLE ANTHONY: There has always been meanness, but the difference today is the public and permanent nature of the acts. Electronic media are passed on forever and, unlike when we were young, you can’t get back the original note. In the eyes of the kids, it is literally everyone and it is literally forever.
However, it’s important to understand that meanness actually serves a developmental function, and very nice girls can do very mean things and still be very nice girls. When we understand the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of meanness, we are in the best position to use it to serve more appropriate developmental ends.
Girls (like all of us) are actively trying to have power within relationships. Unfortunately, they often don’t know how to make themselves more powerful without it being at the expense of another. This is incidental or accidental meanness. However, usually beginning around 3rd grade, they discover how to use negative power, and the amount of intentional meanness increases. Without guidance early on, you get the double whammy of two kinds of meanness (incidental and intentional) that only grows as girls age, in both amount and magnitude.
MDM: What are the main differences between male and female's relational aggressive behaviour?
DR. MICHELLE ANTHONY: If you had to stereotype, girls more often use social power—what researchers call relational aggression or social cruelty—to bully their peers. Boys, in contrast, more often use physical intimidation. Boys are usually clear that they dislike the other boy who is bullying them, and they try to avoid them. In contrast, girls are often very good friends with the girl or girls who are meanest to them, and they are confused as to whether what they are experiencing is actually bullying, thus leaving them feeling isolated and alone in their experiences. While the initial “blow” from a girl bully may seem less severe than the physical abuse sustained by a boy bully, the sting and its aftermath lasts much longer, and tends to involve more people.
MDM: ‘Little Girls Can Be Mean’ advices parents and teachers to watch for signs of bullying at very early ages. Would you say that this precocity is something of today’s society or, on the contrary, it’s always been there and it’s just now that we’re starting to give it importance?
DR. MICHELLE ANTHONY: I think it’s both. Meanness has always existed and will always exist. And, as I mentioned before, it actually serves a developmental function to help girls seek power. However, left unchecked or without intervention and guidance, it grows. This growth is fostered in a culture where social media and the spread of technology continue to increase and fuel an exaggerated and inappropriate sense of power, reach, and influence in young children. The prevalence of “reality” TV shows that highlight, stage, and manipulate interpersonal conflict only adds to children’s confusion over how to relate to peers and rivals. As adults, we understand how these shows are designed to exploit conflict for entertainment; our children do not.
MDM: How can parents detect if their child is being bullied when they have not been alerted by the child or anybody else at their school?
DR. MICHELLE ANTHONY: As I mentioned, this happened with my own daughter and there is no worse feeling than realizing your child has been suffering and you did not even know it was happening. If I had known then what the signs were, I could have helped her so much sooner, and that’s something we describe throughout the book. Because we often have set notions of what behaviors are defined as “bullying,” a lot of girl meanness is not identified as such—neither by the kids themselves nor by the adults who care for them.
The key is to follow the Four Step process: Observe, Connect, Guide, and Support to Act. We walk you through this in detail with all kinds of situations, but in beginning with Step 1: Observe, look for some common ways that girls this age react when they are experiencing friendship struggles or are targets of bullying:
. They stop liking previously enjoyed activities.
. They use “code words” like “No one would play with me,” “She’s not my friend anymore,” and so on.
. They begin to have more fights with siblings.
. They have mood changes: they seem more argumentative or more down.
. They begin complaining of more headaches or stomachaches , etc.
^
GO TO TOP
